We all know the original story of Cinderalla...

Well we move forward a few years and now she is now 17, and of course... there is another ball...

The fairy Godmother appears and says to Cinderalla "I can help you out again my dear, but because you are 17 I am not going to give you a chariot.. This time im going to give you a diaphram"

Cinderalla of course agrees so the fairy godmother swishs and flicks and up goes the diaphram.

"Cinderalla" says the fairy godmother "You must be back by Midnight, because if you dont, the diaphram will turn in to a pumpkin!"

"No worries" says Cinderalla and sods off to the ball.

A few hours go by and the fairy godmother looks at her watch, 10:30... "Where is that girl" she things... Time moves forwards.. 11:15, 11:30 then 12... Still no cinderalla.

"That poor girls" sighs the fairy godmother "She must be in a lot of pain"... 1 oclock then 2 oclock rolls on... Still no cinderalla....

Finally at 3:30am Cinderalls comes floating in... "Where have you been!" exlaims the fairly godmother "You must be in pain!"

"No," Cinderalla sighs happily "I met a boy"

"Oh!" says the Fairy godmother "and what may his name be?"

Cinderalla replies "Peter peter pumkin eater"

A major research institution has announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet know to science - "governmentium." It has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 111 assistant deputy neutrons for an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons that are further surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like sub particles called peons.

Governmentium has no electrons and is therefore inert. It can be detected however since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. A tiny amount of governmentium can take a reaction that normally occurs in seconds and slow it to the point where it take days.

Governmentium has a normal half life of three years. It doesn't decay but "re- organizes", a process where assistant deputy neutrons and deputy neutrons change places. This process actually causes it to grow as in the confusion some morons become neutrons, thereby forming isodopes.

This phenomenon of "moron promotion" has led to some speculation that governmentium forms whenever sufficient morons meet in concentration forming critical morass. Researches believe that in Governmentium, the more you re- organize, the morass you cover.

A man is looking for a job and comes across an ad in the classified section for "Pirate, apply to Capt. Peg Leg at the docks, will train the right person."

The man finds Capt. Peg Leg who is every bit a pirate, patch over the eye, hook for a hand, parrot on his shoulder etc. The captain says he'll hire the man and begins to describe the job...
"On Mondays we go out to sea, find a ship, loot the ship, come back into port ad get so drunk we throw up all over our selves. Sounds like a good job don't it son?"

Stammering the man says "Actually Capt. I'm not much of a drinker, I don't know I would like that very much."

"Well, " responds the Capt. "Perhaps you will like what we do on a Tuesday just a little bit better then. We go out, find a ship, loot the ship, come back to port, get drunk, find women and rape every one we find! Sounds like a good job now doesnt it son?"

The man again stammers his reply..."As I said I really dont drink, and I've never raped a woman and I don't think I would like that either."

The Capt looks at him with his one good eye ands asks..."Your not some sort of a faggot are ye? Not a Homersexual are ye?"

"No, NO I'm not." the man responds.

"Oh well," says Peg Leg " You won't like what we do on Wednesdays either then."